Towards feeling better

You may experience days when you feel unstoppable, like a rock star. You radiate confidence in every circumstance. Do you need to make introductions to new people? No problem; without that nervous feeling in your stomach, you feel comfortable and even graceful in your own skin. You don't feel intimidated when giving a speech in front of a crowd because you are confident in your subject.

Everyone enjoys having an unbeatable feeling. or at least extremely skilled. It's okay, too.

Excesive negativity can make a profound impact on your life

Occasionally, not so much. It seems to flip a switch. You may want to hide on some days for no apparent reason because nothing feels right. Even though it's completely normal, sometimes our insecurities get the better of us. We are all wired to notice things that don't go well because we are humans.

1. Condemning Others

Being critical of most things isn't always a bad thing. And besides, to successfully navigate life, we must be able to discriminate against and analyze the people, problems, and situations we encounter in toke sound decisions. For example, failing to think critically about the person you're about to marry is a good way to end up unhappy marriage. But here's the thing: while critical thinking is an important skill, it can be overused.

Like anything else, secure people frequently criticize others to make themselves feel better. People are constantly unhappy with themselves. And they often find the knowledge of how to feel better healthily or productively; they frequently criticize others. However, how does criticizing others make us feel better about ourselves? That's the thing: it doesn't work in the long run.

Being overly critical of others will make you feel guilty and make you feel bad about yourself in the long run, exacerbating your insecurity. In the short term, however, being critical of others makes us feel better because of the comparison.

For instance:

When you tell yourself how bad your friend's outfit looks in your head, what you're really telling yourself is how stylish and sophisticated you are. And that makes me happy. It is the goal of constructive criticism to make the world a better place.

Everyone loves feeling invincible. Or at least super-competent

Making yourself feel better is the goal of unhelpful criticism. Stop using criticism to artificially inflate your sense of self if you want to be less insecure. Because it will ultimately backfire.

2. Being excessively concerned about the future

Many people convince themselves that their chronic worry is unavoidable or even necessary because, after all, someone has to be concerned about the future, right? Absolutely. But here's the blunder:

• Worry is fundamentally different from effective problem-solving and planning
• Worry, by definition, is unhelpful thinking about future negatives. Because they are negative, planning and problem-solving can be difficult, but they produce results—they are productive and generative
• Worrying only causes stress and anxiety in the short term, as well as low self-confidence and insecurity in the long run. When you think about it, how much trust are you instilling in your mind if you're constantly worrying about every possible negative future outcome?

Question:

Why do we do it, then? Why worry so much if it only makes us anxious and destroys our confidence while accomplishing nothing? We are concerned because it benefits us. Worry gives us a false sense of being in control. There are many sad, disappointing, and frustrating events in life. And our ability to change the majority of them is far more limited than we like to believe.

However, confronting our limitations and helplessness is terrifying. So we worry because it makes us feel in control and like we can make a difference. But it's ultimately a trap: you don't have nearly as much control as you'd like. It's better to accept that reality than to continue to live in the constant worry and insecurity that it brings.

3. The Always YES trait: Refusing to say No

One of the main reasons insecure people remain insecure is their fear of saying no to people.

For instance: Your mother-in-law approaches you and asks if she can come over and play with the kids. You've had a difficult day and don't need the added pressure of hosting her. You say yes anyway because you're afraid she'll think badly of you.

Too many projects have left you burned out and stressed at work. Your boss comes into your office and asks if you could take on a new client. You say yes out of fear of losing your status as "The guy who gets things done," and your stress level rises. Never saying no has the drawback of making you live other people's lives rather than your own.

And how can you feel confident and secure in yourself if you don't live your own life for months, years, or decades? You're telling your mind that what you want isn't that important every time you say yes to someone else at the expense of yourself. It shouldn't be surprising if your mind doesn't value itself if this becomes a habit! You must learn to advocate for yourself and your own wants and needs if you want to feel more secure. Keep in mind that your wants and needs are just as important as anyone else's.

4. Seeking Confirmation

When it comes to habits that make us feel insecure, reassurance-seeking is one of the worst offenders. When you ask for reassurance on a regular basis, you're effectively telling yourself that you can't handle things on your own.

If you tell yourself that enough times, you'll believe you can't handle anything. Getting reassurance is obviously satisfying at the moment:

• When you're nervous and indecisive, delegating your decision to someone else can help you relax.
• When you're worried about being judged for choosing one thing over another, seeking reassurance can help you feel less worried.
• When you're self-conscious about your appearance, asking someone else can help you feel less anxious and more confident.
• Chronic reassurance-real seeking's problem is what it does to your confidence over time

You'll never learn how to help yourself feel better if you always rely on other people to make you feel better. And you'll feel insecure if you believe, deep down, that you're incapable of helping yourself deal with emotional pain and difficulty. Train yourself to tolerate short-term anxiety if you want to feel more secure and confident.

5. Communication that is both passive and aggressive

When you want something but are afraid of causing a fight, you use passive-aggressive communication. So you try to coerce people into giving it to you through subtle manipulation. This is the worst type of communication because it combines passivity and a fear of asking for what you want with aggression and a desire to control others.

People who are passive-aggressive hide their aggression so they don't have to face the consequences. Showing up late to events on a regular basis, for example, is often a form of passive aggression because you're trying to get what you want without taking responsibility and avoiding criticism.

Being passive-aggressive, like so many of the habits discussed in this article, only "works" in the short term. Sure, you might get what you want right now, but eventually, people will get tired of it and stop playing your game:

• You never get the bonus you expect at work.
• You are no longer invited to social gatherings and events.
• Relationships with you never seem to last or stick.

People who are passive-aggressive are often lonely and resentful. While they may place blame on others, they are deeply resentful of themselves for lacking the courage to be open and honest with others. When loneliness and self-resentment are combined, insecurity is inevitable.

The good news is that practicing assertive communication can help you become less passive-aggressive. It's a skill that can be learned quickly if you start small and gradually improve.

6. Excessive happiness

This may seem strange, but being overly optimistic can quickly lead to a great deal of emotional insecurity. The reason for this is simple:

• Excessive optimism is just denial dressed up as optimism.
• There's nothing wrong with attempting to be upbeat and optimistic. In fact, I believe both of those activities are beneficial.
• Excessive positivity, on the other hand, is when you use positivity to distract yourself from something truly bad, negative, or painful.

For instance:

Your best friend calls to check in and see how you're doing. You summon as much cheerfulness as you can and say, "Yeah, things are good!" even though you just had a horrible fight with your partner and are feeling awful and worried about the relationship. Then move on to something positive in your life.

The issue is that you have a problem in your life, and by insisting on being positive always, you're putting off dealing with it. Because you're embarrassed, you're avoiding genuine social support and compassion in this case. Of course, just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean you have to talk about it. However, it's very easy to fall into the habit of avoiding negative situations and insisting on maintaining a positive attitude at all times.

There's another major drawback: it keeps you from dealing with the very real problems in your life, such as your inability to manage your own painful emotions. Excessive optimism is merely a ruse. It's also difficult to trust and be intimate with people who constantly wear masks. When you're constantly playing roles and hiding behind masks, the people who matter in your life will eventually notice and realize you're not a relationship they want to invest much time in.

Solutions Exist; Starting with Self-Evaluation

Each one is different, and in our uniqueness, we have the power to change and define our future. Although these elements might manifest themselves now and then, there is power in determining the problem and creating a master plan for dealing with the concerns.

So, if you want to feel less insecure, try experimenting with expressing some negativity in small doses. You might even find that you feel better as a result of it.