Rising Above The Norm

It is more common to hear people I work with wish to increase their emotional intelligence in my routine. Although they listen to many motivational podcasts and watch a lot of YouTube videos, they still struggle with it. Overall, they become entangled in a web of worry and tension. They are critical of themselves for the way they are feeling.

As soon as they begin to move forward, they start to engage in self-sabotage. The issue is that to develop emotional intelligence, one must formulate persistent behaviors rather than be inspired by ideas.

Time to Bloom

Listed below are four habits that will help you develop more EI:

1) Eliminate Unwanted Ideas, Thoughts, and Notions

The ability to think more deeply isn't always beneficial, and in many cases, it's the precise thing that makes us unhappy. The majority of us are taught to think deeply and critically from an early age. From the time we can communicate, we are introduced to consider before you speak. We receive positive reinforcement and recognition for working hard and performing well in school.

And as adults, our capacity to think critically and creatively is critical to our success at work in many situations. However, while our desire to feel more and harder serves us well most of the time, there are still a number of scenarios in which more thinking makes things worse.

For example, when you have an illogical worry running through your head, thinking about it more rarely solves the problem and almost always makes you feel more anxious than before. When you're lying in bed at 2:00 a.m., not sleeping, thinking about the reasons why you're not sleeping will keep you awake for a longer period of time.

After you've thought on a mistake and attempted to learn from it, brooding on it over and over again will only make you feel worse about your situation. The ability to think critically is a tool. And, as with any tool, it can be used effectively or ineffectively.

Emotionally intelligent people are aware of the difference between situations in which greater thought is beneficial and situations in which it is detrimental. Of course, simply recognizing whether or not additional thinking is the most appropriate instrument for the work is insufficient... Because of persistent anxiety, self-doubt, or perfectionism (to name a few mental illnesses), it might be quite difficult to shut down your thoughts at times.

This makes sense because most of us have been taught for years to keep thinking even when things are difficult. However, very few of us have ever been taught how to stop thinking! If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, dedicate yourself to a training plan that will allow you to exercise your non-thinking muscle.

• It's important to practice letting go of unhelpful notions, even if they're correct.
• Instead of allowing your attention to wander aimlessly, practice refocusing your attention on a single task at hand.
• Work on becoming more aware of your thoughts without becoming preoccupied with them.

It is difficult to let rid of detrimental thoughts. And there isn't a magic formula that will make it simple. Because, as with any major life skill, it requires time, effort, and patience to master. When it comes to increasing your emotional intelligence and happiness, the capacity to redirect your thoughts away from unhelpful thinking is one of the most effective methods to do so.

2) Learning to accept uncomfortable emotions

It's natural to want to get away from unpleasant emotions. However, this simply serves to make them stronger in the long run. A human brain is a machine that can be taught new things. And it is extremely sensitive to the information you provide it with! The way you react to things, particularly emotionally charged things, instructs your brain on how to think about those same things in the future, according to research.

As an illustration: Consider the following scenario: you decide to go trekking on a new trail one day. However, halfway through the hike, you decide that it is too risky to continue and return to your car. You've conditioned your brain to believe that trail is hazardous. This means that if you decide to go hiking there again in the future, you will experience some worry as a result of your decision. Isn't it obvious that this is the case?

The same thing occurs when we respond to internal factors such as our emotions in the same way:

• If you continually attempt to escape your grief through the use of alcohol or drugs, you are teaching your brain that grief and sadness are harmful emotions to be avoided at all costs. You're now worried about going through the grieving process.
• If you instantly try to calm yourself down whenever you feel worried, you are teaching your brain that feeling anxious is a negative emotion to have. Suddenly, you're going to be stressed out about being stressed out.

When you attempt to avoid painful feelings, you are teaching your brain that it is harmful to be in pain, which only serves to make you feel worse in the future.

People that are emotionally aware understand that just because something makes them feel uncomfortable does not necessarily mean that it is wrong:

• Just because your muscles feel sore after an exercise does not imply that something is wrong or that you should refrain from exercising in the future.
• In a similar vein, just because you are nervous about speaking in front of an audience does not imply that public speaking is harmful and that you should avoid it in the future.

However, emotionally intelligent people go beyond simply comprehending the distinction; they educate themselves to react to painful feelings with acceptance rather than avoidance by practicing acceptance.

Due to the fact that when you accept your emotions with willingness, you teach your brain that they are safe and normal, regardless of how uncomfortable they may seem at the time.

It's important to practice being willing to feel horrible in the near term if you want to feel great in the long run.

3. Being compassionate in the face of mistakes

Self-criticism is virtually never beneficial and nearly always makes it more difficult to go on. For the most part, from an early age, most individuals grow up believing that being tough on yourself is the only way to achieve success and improvement in life:

• We persuade ourselves that if we don't put more effort into our studies, we will fail and will not be admitted to a decent college.
• "Suck it up" and "push through," we urge ourselves, or our coach will think we're being lazy and we won't be able to participate in the game anymore.
• We persuade ourselves that if we continue to be awkward, no one will want to spend out with us anymore.

We develop the habit of self-critical, negative inner monologue because we believe it will push us to be better in the future. To put it another way, however, here's the rub. The illusion of motivation is created by self-criticism. However, in the end, all it accomplishes is to demoralize you.

Being self-critical after making a mistake seems useful because it gives the impression that you are accomplishing something. The practice of negative self-talk, on the other hand, is harmful in the long run since it causes you to feel worried, insecure, and full of self-doubt over time.

In order to develop emotional intelligence, you must avoid falling into the self-criticism trap as much as possible. If you want to feel more motivated after making a mistake instead of beating yourself up, try the following:

• Recognize the error for what it is and move forward.
• Accept the fact that you have no power to change the past
• Concentrate on the aspects of your life that you can actually influence in the future.

Good Vibes

To put it another way, what if you replaced your habit of self-criticism with a habit of self-compassion instead? When you make a mistake, self-compassion is as simple as treating yourself with care and support, just as you would treat a buddy after a mistake.

Fortunately, most of us are already aware of how to be compassionate toward others. Simply remembering to apply it to yourself is all that is required.

4. Prioritizing values over emotions

A person's ability to submit their feelings to their values is at the heart of their emotional intelligence. Subordinate my emotions to my moral principles... Aren't my feelings, after all, the most genuine aspect of my identity? Nonsense! If you compare your emotions to any other aspect of your existence, there is nothing fundamentally special or authentic about them.

Consider the following:

• Which of these feelings, your want for that bag of potato chips or your drive to be healthy and athletic, is more "authentic?"
• Has the evidence that you've given presentations like this dozen of times and they've all been well-received convinced you that your experience is more "genuine" than the evidence that you've made presentations like this before and they've all been well-received?
• Is the thrill of being flirted with by that lovely coworker more "genuine" than your dedication to the marriage you've been committed to for so long?

Here's the issue about feelings: they're not always pleasant. Your emotions will get you into trouble just as often as they will get you out of a sticky situation. Not that feelings are terrible or that you shouldn't think about them, but I am stating that they should be considered. Of course, I'm a psychologist, and I believe that you should be concerned about your feelings!

This dread can be really beneficial when you're strolling down a dark alley at midnight and you suddenly become scared because you hear quick footsteps behind you. When you fall into the habit of making decisions only on the basis of how you feel, you run into difficulties:

• It is impossible to advance professionally if you only take on new initiatives at work when you are confident in your abilities. You will also likely lose out on some incredible possibilities.
• In the event that you never bring up unpleasant concerns with your spouse because you are fearful of how they will respond, such issues will simply continue to fester and become more serious.
• The only time you should go to the gym is when you are excited and motivated, else you will never become in shape.
• When your feelings conflict with your ideals, you should be wary of them

Train yourself to recognize conflicts between your feelings and your values if you want to become a more emotionally knowledgeable person. And then ask yourself a simple question: "What do you want to do?" What is it that I REALLY want at this moment? To aid in this process, attempt to get into the habit of thinking about what Little-W wants and what Capital-W wants.

• Little-W is interested in things such as the joy of tasting a candy bar or the relief from the tension that comes with taking the first couple of shots of vodka in a nightclub. While not necessarily harmful, Little-W desires frequently serve to divert our attention away from and conflict with our Capital-W desires.
• Capital-W desires are things that we desire because they align with our values. For example, I desire to remain healthy enough to play tag with my grandchildren without becoming exhausted, or I desire to complete high-quality work rather than rushing through it.
• In order to become more emotionally intelligent, you should practice prioritizing your values over your emotions.

Emotionally intelligent people are those who can identify, understand, and manage their own emotions, as well as influence the emotions of others.