Personal Story

From as far back as I can recollect, an unyielding yearning for permanence has been a defining aspect of my character. During my formative years, I aspired to be the intelligent child who excelled in all academic examinations and brought immense pride to her parents. The more I garnered praise for my exceptional academic accomplishments and unwavering commitment to obeying the rules, the more I experienced a profound sense of fulfillment.

As the years passed and I matured, my focus shifted towards new interests: my career and the promises of tomorrow. I meticulously charted the course for my envisioned future: breaking into the real estate industry, aiding the vulnerable, exploring the world through travel, and cultivating meaningful relationships. As a rule-follower archetype, I fancied my dreams. They were innocent, ambitious, and philanthropic.

I held steadfast confidence that I would realize my dreams with time. My self-identity was intertwined with the notions of financial success, self-sacrifice, and amicability. Nevertheless, as time marched on, circumstances began to shift.

As the famous saying goes, "change is inevitable." Yet, I failed to grasp just how swiftly these changes would transpire and how profoundly they would disrupt my worldview. Upon completing my studies, I was acutely aware of the myriad opportunities waiting for me to seize. I brimmed confidently, convinced I would stumble upon something profoundly meaningful. Little did I realize that the contemporary world was dashing forward at an astonishing pace.

Moreover, I remained oblivious to the profound truth that all dreams and ambitions can become destructive without Christ. Like many others, I coveted material possessions – cars, houses, and fame. I found myself ensnared by the relentless hustle culture that glorifies working until exhaustion consumes you, indulging in excess until you're utterly depleted, and spending without a second thought. It seemed like the right path, one society celebrated as commendable. Usually, we extol the diligent and frown upon the indolent and complacent. We all aspire to weave our own tales of superhuman endurance – the ability to soldier on without sleep, to be entirely self-reliant, and to never let emotions impede our progress.

Fortunately, a significant transformation occurred in my life, and I am sincerely grateful for it. I came to a profound realization of my past misconceptions and redirected my focus toward the righteous path. I used to place unwavering faith in the security provided by wealth and harbored envy for those who possessed an abundance of it. My dreams revolved around reaching a point where financial concerns would cease. Only then, I believed, would I attain the confidence to converse with anyone without the tremor in my voice betraying my anxiety.

In hindsight, I can clearly see that I was led astray by false beliefs. As a trained economist, it would be unwise to perceive money as the ultimate source of security. It might provide a sense of security in the short term, but what does "short term" truly mean? Is it two months, three, or just one? It's a deceptive illusion of security. When you tether your self-worth solely to money, what happens when it vanishes into thin air?

King Solomon

King Solomon is a typical example of a wealthy man. He had everything we all dream about. He had massive land in his control. He commanded thousands of armies. He was famous in all of Israel and surrounding cities. He had beautiful women around him. He controlled resources and the movement of the economy. He was wise beyond anything you have ever seen. He commanded respect from rulers and commoners.

Indeed, by contemporary standards, King Solomon would be the object of envy for many. However, as he reflected on his life, he famously concluded that it was all vanity. It's fascinating to note that, as Dr. Joshua Knabb pointed out in the Christian Therapist podcast, Solomon described everything as mundane and unexciting. Despite possessing immense wealth, recognition, honor, instilling fear, enjoying fame, and amassing riches, he found no enduring satisfaction or excitement in these worldly pursuits. His profound insights into the fleeting nature of materialism and worldly acclaim continue to serve as a thought-provoking lesson for generations to come.

At the end of everything, Solomon said, "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man" (Ecclesiastes 12:13). At the end of his life, the wealthiest man ever to live said that man's duty is to fear God and keep his commands. I shudder at the thought of this. I reflect on the many times I have focused on possessions and neglected my duty as a created being. Many times, I have valued creation more highly than the creator. The many times I have been foolish to think I can find satisfaction in any other place than in the creator. I have often followed my heart when God's Word clearly admonishes me not to.

…and remember all the commandments of the Lord, to do them, not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after.

Numbers 15:39 (RSV)

Reflecting on these things, I realize my total dependence on God. The stories that we read in the Bible were written for our instruction, teaching, rebuke, admonition, and training in godliness. I would be foolish to disregard them. The Psalmist says only a fool says in his heart there is no God (Psalm 14:1). Far be it from me to be a fool or walk in the counsel of fools.

We have our instruction laid bare before us. May God enable us to see clearly and walk in truth. As someone who loves permanence and security, I have found myself a Man. His name is Jesus. He promises permanence. He is the one I can rely on even when the waves rise and the turbulence hits. At the end of everything, I know I have a home.

Like many, I have experienced the heartache of this world. Often, I look around at the malice, slander, selfishness, greed, and sin that engulf our world, and my heart breaks into a million pieces. I long for a time when I will not have my guard up because the next person may sell me out for their own gain. I long for a time when my heart will not race in fear of humiliation, shame, and scorning. I long for a time when I will not look at the next person and see an opportunity rather than a person. I long for a time when I will not feel the need to put up a show to be liked. I long for a time when I will not wage war against the sin that burrows down my flesh like a starving mole. I long for when I will wake up and not worry about keeping up with my classmates, friends, enemies, and the like. I long for a time when my value will not be measured against how much I own.

My longing is not in vain. I do not long like a lonesome lover without hope of seeing their beloved again. I long like a little girl waiting for their father to pick them up from school. And even more assured and hopeful is my longing because the one I had entrusted with my heart has a clean track record. HE HAS NEVER FAILED. My forefathers have attested to that. My hope is in someone outside time, space, and matter.

In Christ, I have found permanence. I no longer have to worry about change and how scary it may be because I have hope in someone greater, mightier, more faithful; the epitome of holiness.

I was reading the book "Holier than Thou" by Jackie Hill Perry, and it changed my perspective on God. Jackie says God is Holy. And since he is holy, he cannot sin. And since he cannot sin, he cannot sin against me. This statement transformed my entire view of faith. I am now grounded in the truth that God remains holy no matter what is thrown at me.

Come to think of it, everyone believes something. Some believe in the universe, others in life, and others in astrology. So why can't I believe that God is Holy? No reason. In this life, I choose this path, and I am confident the Holy One will accomplish what he promised.

Conclusion

Permanence is an innate craving in every human being. The evidence of this is in the resistance we have toward change. We all want to remain somewhere familiar. Change causes panic because of the unknown. Unfortunately, our world is not designed to offer permanence. Each stage of life brings new things that we have to adapt to. Soon after you get comfortable, another bomb is thrown at you that disrupts your entire perspective. This bomb could be the loss of a loved one, a job, status, identity crisis, betrayal from friends, economic turmoil, and many other things. Given the inevitability of change, where should we turn to for hope? Should we relinquish control and live carelessly? By no means. Christ has offered us safety: Safety not just from this world's chaos but safety from God's ultimate wrath. I pray you find him a treasure more valuable than anything creation can offer. Shalom!

By Maureen Naini. Also, on Substack